Friday, March 18, 2016

Thoughts in the wee hours of the morning...

What time is it?  If I turn my head I can just see the clock.  5 a.m.!  Oh my goodness, I have got to get back to sleep so I can work tomorrow.  Tomorrow?  I guess it’s today now.  Sheesh, I’m tired.  After all, I didn't get to bed until 1 a.m.  Ed is fast asleep, and so is Sam, our recently adopted dog.  Sam loves to sleep in bed with us.  That’s fine, except he loves to be curled up right next to me.  I mean RIGHT next to me.  I can barely move his 45 pounds of snoring canine body.  We would have to get a dog who snores.  I wonder if they make CPAP machine for dogs?  Well, they make clothes and boots for them, don’t they?  I saw where the pet store had dog coats and boots for sale this week.  Ed won’t let me get Sam clothes.  He says that is silly.  Oh well.

I really have to switch positions.  Oh man, I don’t want to wake Sam up but once I realize I need to move, that’s all I can think about.  I give a little nudge.  Sam won’t budge.  He doesn’t get hints, especially when he is fast asleep.  I can feel my nightgown scrunched up beneath me.  I really need to turn over.  I need to fix my nightgown.  I need to go to the bathroom.   I need to get this song out of my head.  “Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, hippity hoppity Easter’s on its way…”  I stifle a laugh.  We just got an animated toy for my mom who sings that song.  I mean, the bunny sings the song, not my mom.  Although she probably tries to sing with him.  He actually hops around while he sings.  And he wears bunny slippers.  Sam would look cute in bunny slippers.  But nooo, I can’t buy doggie clothes - stubborn Ed.  Man, now I can’t get the song out of my mind.  How am I supposed to sleep now?  I’ve got to think of another song.  The only way to clear one’s mind of one song is to get another one going….

Ah, yes.  “Here I go again, I hear those trumpets blow again, all aglow again, taking a chance on love.”  That’s what we’re doing - taking a chance on love.  It’s the reason we didn’t want a dog for many months after our border collie Lily died of epilepsy.  We bonded tight with her, and had to watch her seize day after day after day.  She was only 3.  Never again, I said.  I can’t do it again.  I can’t emotionally go through with loving fiercely and losing everything.  What good is loving if it has to end?  Is the pain and sadness really worth it?  We’ll get along without a dog, I told Ed.  He agreed.  Our emotions were just too raw. 

Sam starts jerking.  For a split second, I think it is Lily having a seizure.  Only this time it’s not a seizure.  Sam is dreaming and running in his sleep.  Thank God his back is to me.  The other night he was on his side facing me and I got a back massage all night, and not the good kind, until I gave up and went to the couch to finish the night.  

“Here I slide again, about to take that ride again, starry-eyed again, taking a chance on love…”  Now I can’t get THAT song out of my mind.  Yeah, we managed to live without a dog for over a year.  Then I started perusing PetFinder and the local shelters’ web pages.  It was all innocent.  Just a way to pass the time.  Yeah, right.  Then I saw Sam and fell in love.  We tried to talk ourselves out of it.  Remember in the summer when it’s too hot to leave the dog in the car?  Remember having the vet bills, having to buy heartworm pills and dog food?  Remember the dog hair everywhere?  Yeah, I remembered.  But I also remembered the cuddling and soft fur on my hands.  I remembered the joy in Lily’s eyes after we had been separated for a few minutes and were reunited.  The tail wagging.  The funny things she would do that made us laugh.  I kept staring at Sam’s picture.  He was in Arkansas, asking us to adopt him.  I could feel it.  But where was the guarantee that we would have him for many years and he would be healthy and would never get sick or injured?  I want a guarantee before I make a commitment! I want a guaranteeeeeee!!!  “Now I prove again, that I can make life move again, in the groove again, taking a chance on love…”

Oh my goodness, if I don’t change positions I’m going to scream.  I barely have enough room before he pushes me out of bed.  I slowly maneuver my fingers over to the edge to measure the distance.  Three fingerbreadths and I fall off.  I literally will fall out of bed.  Fingerbreadths.  What a stupid word.  I type it all the time as a transcriptionist.  Oh dear!  If I don’t get some sleep, I’ll NEVER be able to focus at work tomorrow.  I mean today.  

I give Sam a little push.  No response.  He is so heavy.  I could strain a muscle trying to move that hunk of animal flesh.  Why does he have to sleep in bed with us?  I will admit he is wonderfully warm, though.  

Sigh.  I’ve got to get up and rearrange my nightgown.  What time now?  Oh, 6 a.m.  I’m exhausted but surprisingly content.  I maneuver myself out of bed without disturbing Sam or Ed and come in here to the computer to collect my thoughts.  And to try to get the song out of my head.  “Things are mending now, I see a rainbow blending now, we’ll have a happy ending now, taking a chance on love.”


diana sue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
diana sue said...

This is auwe~some...ecen though the song bomb hit me, too.